My Father aka My Hero

To my father with whom I love with the entirety of my heart.

Words don't have the ability to ever express to you how thankful I am to have you in my life. You have done more than just raise me to be who I am today. You work harder than any other person I have ever met in the world. Even after working a twelve hour day, you return home to sit in front of the TV in the living room still working hard until you decide to fall asleep and repeat the very next day. Your hard work ethic has inspired me to always give it my all in everyday life and never give up. When you were released from a previous job, you made the risky decision to start your own small business as an energy consultant. At the time, you had a middle school age son along with two younger children. Even though there was an evident chance of complete failure, you gambled and succeeded. You never gave up, you knew what you wanted, and you strived to achieve just that. In doing so, you not only provided for your family of five, but you taught us all an important lesson of going after a dream and not giving up.

When the entire world is collapsing around me and I feel kicked down to the ground, you offer a hand. You help me back to two feet and remind me that I am not done just yet with the fight. With your advice and encouragement, I stand back up and continue to fight for what I want.

Although I may not tell you every single day as I should, I hope you know that I love you. I really do appreciate all that you have done for the family, but most importantly for me. I am where I am today because of you. You always used to tell me that your goal was always to provide a better life for your children than you had. It's with this in mind that you made the decisions you did. I hope you know that it didn't go unnoticed. I see the struggles you face and I admire as you tackle each one.

I hope you know that everything I do in my life is in an effort to make you proud. I want to show you that I have learned from you and I have taken your advice into deep consideration. I want to provide for my future children what you have provided me with.

Dad, I love you so much and I hope that one day, my child will look at me the way that I look up to you. May you never go a day without seeing how appreciated and admired you are. But most importantly of all, I hope you know that you are the greatest father I could ever hope for. I'm so honored and blessed to have you as a positive male role model. I love you, Dad.



Strength, Power, and Love

Imagine yourself in a perfect moment of pure bliss, happiness, and joy with someone who you truly love and desire to spend the rest of your life with. You are innocent, vulnerable, especially after having relinquished all of the defenses you put against yourself in an effort to protect from any, if not all, negativity. Now, imagine that the person whom you have trusted more than anyone else has betrayed you. Maybe they lied, cheated, stole from you, etc. Regardless, you are now destroyed, left lying on the ground. Your desperate calls for help are ignored as he walks away, emotionless. You have given your heart to someone else who has destroyed it and broken it.
This is the pain that I have experienced far too many times. In truth, I have willingly subjected myself to this terrible treatment. I was naïve in believing that you could be the different man that I have been longing for. As it turned out, my eagerness to find happiness and love someone has just once again crumbled to the ground, leaving me broken and hopeless.
I don't understand how you can see how fragile my heart was. I gave it to you already damaged, but mended. You heard my darkest secrets, my painful, dark past, my great moments, everything. Yet, rather than showing me what a true man is, you showed me exactly what I already knew, further helping me believe that every man is like this. After going through so much, where am I supposed to gather hope to believe that someone could actually be different? I know I am not the only girl in the world who is fearful of every man I meet because I find myself waiting for them to betray me, rather than trying to see the good in them.
As a new year begins though, I want to remember the past, not forget it. I want to embrace my story because it's led me to be the person that I am today. I strive to achieve strength, power, and love this year. No matter what heartbreaks, disappointments, failures, and mistakes I may endure this year, I want to come out of each obstacle in my way with a smile on my face, strength in my heart, and hope for the future. I want to look at each of these failing moments as a chance for a lesson to be learned. I want to stand up for myself and obtain the power needed to make decisions for myself. In a seemingly selfish way, I want to put myself first and protect my heart from another disappointment. I am supposed to protect myself and I have failed, in many ways, to do so. This year, I want to gain power...the power to decide for myself what I want to do and the power to accept others into my life and expel those that don't appreciate, support, or help me in any way.
Lastly, I want to open my heart. I want to put aside my selfish instincts in this sense and help others who need it. I want to offer what little I do have and change someone else's day, week, month, or even their year. I want to make a difference in this world, or at the very least, I want to make a difference in someone else's world. I want to accept love and trust someone enough to not hurt me. I want to love those around me and show them just how much I appreciate having them in my life.
I am so blessed to have the people, things, and opportunities in my life that I do. This year, in 2015, I want to embrace every challenge with an open heart, strength, and the power to know that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. I am stronger, more powerful, and more capable of love than I think I am. This year will be different for me.