DON'T GO

I know you are struggling in your fight. I know you are determined to find logic in this cruel and harsh situation that you unfortunately are enduring. I want you to know that there is no sense in something so life-changing. There are no answers to the questions you keep asking and there are no simple solutions to make the pain and hurt disappear.
I know giving up seems like not only the easiest option, but your only option.
I promise, from the bottom of my heart, that it isn't the only answer. Despite my own struggles to make sense of this brutal world and although I often times struggle to find a reason to continue fighting, I must tell you that the fight will be worth it in the end. I don't know how this story will end or how you will, if ever, make peace with the situation you find yourself in. But I do know that your story isn't complete. I know that you story doesn't deserve to end in any tragic way.
As difficult as it may be, pick the sword back up and lift your head. Face your challenges head on, without fear, but with courage.
Know that you are not alone. I know, at times, you feel alone because nobody can give you the answers you seek. But you aren't alone. No one has the answers, including yourself.

My vow to you is as follows.
I will be there every single step of the way, offering an ear to vent to, a rock to lean on, a shoulder to cry on, a sister to laugh with, and a best friend to have beside you. I will be there as you embark on what is presumably and hopefully going to be your only major fight in this world. We have all been in the hole you find yourself in now. There's a way out and you need to have faith that there is. I will be there for the sleepless nights where you need to vent, for the silent moments where you need to cry, and for the times when we decide to throw things across the room out of anger. I will have your back as you face this horrible reality. I am here.
Please don't leave me.
Your life is worth fighting and I hope that you soon realize this.
I love you.
Stay strong.

I CAN DO THIS

Shut yourself in the room. Turn up the music. Grab your laptop. Allow your fingers to write the words that you can't put into words. Become dumb. Punch a pillow. Cry yourself to sleep. Ask yourself "why?" Pray that things will work out. Reminisce on the good times. Sink into the bad times. Fall asleep, by some miracle. Wake up. Repeat.

My life.

The entire world is crushing down on me, right now. I don't know how much longer I can keep up with the fight that I've been in for years and years. I'm alone in this struggle of trying to hold my life together.

What a hypocrite I am...telling two people very close to me that life is worth living when I'm still trying to figure out how to live a life worth living. I'm begging them to continue fighting their battles, when I don't know how much longer I can fight my own.

When did my life become this?

It's not that I'm some depressed person, alone in my room. I'm strong, but am I strong enough to fight right now? I don't know...

I'm alone. But that's nothing new. Even when I choose to let down my walls for someone, they always leave me alone in the times of need. I'm better off alone. I can fight battles alone. I've been doing it for years. Therefore, I will fight this battle alone as well. I will get through this. I believe that God only gives you fights he knows you can conquer. I can conquer this. I need to conquer this. If not for myself, then for those who are reliant upon me being there for them.

I can do this.

TOGETHER

For you, this picture shows three people, happy and quite possibly a little too intoxicated. For me, this picture has a much deeper meaning including a feeling that I've waited what seemed to be an eternity to obtain.
My best friend, my partner-in-crime, my "mother" is one of the few people in this world that I know I can call at any time in my life and she'll do whatever she can to be there for me. Through happiness, joy, sadness, depression, anxiety, good times, bad times, boring times, and crazy times. The friendship that we have built is one that is unbreakable.
Then there's my older brother. Nine years ago, he changed my entire world as I sat innocently, unable to fix the damage caused by his absence. You joining the military was your last resort and my personal worst nightmare. I remember younger me who immediately thought, "Well who's going to be the man in the house with him gone?" For years, I opened your heartbreaking letters and emails. I sat by the phone hoping you might call. Every car that pulled in the driveway made my heart rate increase as I prepared for the worst news. But the car never pulled in the driveway. You made it through eight years in the military, which is including three deployments. It is a true blessing that you returned physically unharmed.
When you decided to enroll at the same university as me, which had been our plan years and years ago, I was in complete denial. While I was absolutely elated by the thought, I didn't know if I would ever get to see the reality. However, last August, we both moved into the same dorm hall and my entire life changed for the better. The brother that I had been waiting eight years to have back, is now here and for that, I'm forever grateful. Every moment that I get to be with you is a moment that I don't take for granted. I now have the guidance, advice, and love from you that I waited so long to have. We can now make memories together that don't have a ticking clock in the back for when you'll have to return to the military. I no longer have to guess when the next time is that I'll see you, or struggle with the thought that I may never see you again. Hearing that a soldier died on the news still saddens and worries me, but I am thankful that I will no longer have to wonder if that was you.
You may never know how much I love the time that we can now share together. Although you have eight more years than I do, we can grow up together and experience the "college lifestyle" together. When I need you the most, I know that I can look across the room and find you. We are in this together and even though our lives are all messed up and we may never know what the right path for our futures is, I know that we can do this together.
God bless.