Wow, it sure feels weird to sit down once again in the comfort of my room, with just a computer and my thoughts. The only sounds heard are the rhythmic tapping of my fingers upon the keyboard. Ahh...it's so nice to be back in the location where I can ramble my thoughts and opinions, without the quick snapping judgments of those around me. This is my safe place. The safe space I've abandoned for quite some time. Life has a crazy way of doing that to people.
So how exactly do I write this? Do I start by rambling off the series of events that have prevented me from blogging? Do I start off by just detailing one particular event? How do I narrow down the past few months into just one little blog posting. Here goes nothing...
I am only a few short weeks away from becoming a SENIOR in COLLEGE. Three years ago, I was a nervous freshman twirling my hair, searching the surrounding crowds for a familiar face to become a friend. Now, I am grown and matured, having experienced more than I ever imagined I would be experiencing during these critical four years at a university.
This past year has been nothing short of amazing. Although I have been through hardships, loss, lonely nights, confusion, stress, and worry, this past year has also been one of the most life-changing pivotal moments of my life. I have come to love and accept exactly who I am, where I am in life, where I've been, and where I am going in my life. It's taken me almost 22 long years, but finally, Sarah is being Sarah, in the most simplest of terms.
After spending a great half of my life staring into a mirror, crying, wondering why I can't just be happy with myself, I have learned to smile toward the mirror and love the person who is staring back at me. She is strong, she is powerful, she is brave, she is courageous, she is worthy, and she is perfectly imperfect. Not all days do I feel this confident, but most days I do. It took losing so much for me to get to this place. Although I used to be bitter toward certain people in my past, I now feel gracious for the lessons they brought into my life. I have learned to release the negative feelings and thoughts I have for them, and instead, decided to solely learn from them. God brings people into our lives for various reasons, and I now understand that some people were brought into my life just to destroy it...to kick me while I was down...to test my strength. I thank them for doing so. Thank you for making me feel worthless because it taught me how to discover my worth. Thank you for blaming me for all that went wrong in our relationship because it taught me what characteristics I have that I can improve upon. Thank you for leaving. Because it left space for someone far more worthy of being in my life.
The person who I was, just a few months ago, no longer exists in this body. I am proud of what I have accomplished and what I will accomplish. I am proud that I can take all of the negative to make it positive. I am proud that I have the greatest friends and family surrounding me. Above all, I am proud that my past didn't kill me. It didn't win.
I can now say something today that I would have never been able to even think over the past year. I want to be on this Earth. I want to be in this world. I want to meet new people and take on new challenges. I want to experience the vast opportunities that this life has to offer me. I am here for a reason. I know that now. I want to live and be alive.
Embrace your future, my loves. Embrace the happiness and love that surrounds you everyday. Hope...it exists. Possibility...possibility to be happy, to be independent, to break from the chains withholding you from your future...it exists. Go get it.
God bless.
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